Destiny

That feeling inside of us leading blindingly through life’s adventures. We’re never really sure if there is a purpose to the madness, or if reality is far more complex than our imagination can hold. The voices questioning and analyzing our direction, the rewards confusing our emotions. Is coincidence irony?

It seems as if time does in fact tick slower when your mind is clear – when the awareness of the world around you expands to a comforting consciousness. I can see the objects, I can hear the dimension, but I can feel with another part of me.

My emotions change with the thought in my mind. If I see a shape or background or object that is not familiar, that doesn’t make sense to this brain, it provokes an emotion of fear. Interesting to be aware and feel this at the same time. In between, the anxiety keeps the body on edge, making it slightly more sensitive to other sounds, movements, or objects out of the oridinary. This blocks awareness.

Could the human body be mankind’s obstacle to enlightenment? Perhaps this is the reason people go to such extremes as famine.  Starve themselves to near death to experience the soul. A man I met at a Rosicrucian meeting argued the meaning of such an experience changed his life, his world as he knew it, and that no other human would ever be able to experience such profound awareness without performing such an act. I disagreed. Yet still intrigued. I was angry when he had spoke with such assured passion that nobody else could acheive the same. I felt we all have the potential to experience the soul and existance, the path there is the journey, and each is unique.

We resent our words and actions when we feel we should have known better. It takes practice to stay wise, I am learning. Luckily, I am my own greatest humour.

I am reading a book called “Hypnotic Writing” by a famous man who no doubt sells many tickets to lectures to hear him speak. One line amused me. He tries to make us become more aware when we write – of our own behaviours and patterns. Our brain, he says, is wired to re-read our words. Spell check our sentances before we finish them. Go back and read over the paragraph to critique our own work. Belive me, this paragraph has been the hardest one to write yet. Try writing about becoming aware of proof reading your work as you write, and then not doing it at the same time. It’s like a colossal mind fuck!

Right, destiny.

We all have it, some are more sure than others. If you stop, if you really pause for just a moment, and feel the entire moment and all the space around it – you can almost reach out and touch destiny. It feels like you just belong.  Everything is just as you expected it would be. This is happening just like you knew it would. It’s coming, and you can feel it. Patience, it’s so easy.

Someone I know recently said we can create the unpredicatable only when it is not expected. I can hit the brink, get right up close to the edge, and then spring back with even the slightest sliver of fear. Sometimes I jump all over the page with my thoughts, follow me here – I am speaking of consciousness, some call presence. In this state we are supposed to have the answers to all questions we might ask, actions of those instentions realized…. I might just be afraid of having my fears realized.

The question than is, are we all afraid of knowing for this same reason? Do we fear consciousness and presence perhaps becuase  our reality will present itself just as we know it is? Objects made of energy that we can move and construct at our own will – it’s not really real is it! How madness this is right now to write and experience such a thought.

Some deeply spiritual people whom I’ve had the pleasure of speaking are people who portray the image of awareness and presence as one of pure wisdom  – as in the state of someone in a deep meditation transported out of their programmed body. Fortunately, (or un as I mostly think), I am somehow able to feel and see this awareness while still being in this body. It’s like a tug of war between realities. One moment here, one moment there. I can switch between them at my will. But staying there… staying in that special moment, well, honestly- staying doesn’t feel important.

Perhaps this is destiny. We can really feel in the moment what is important (or not) to us, and thus that is our guide. Some may be love, others may be courage, and yet others may be fear. Some may be passion for the arts, a drive for power, a release through dance, or a need for adrenaline. What is important is special and unique to each of us. This is what ultimately separates our souls from each other.

We are all the same, we come from the same, and will return to the same. But while we are here, and damn there are so many of us here, it is such an amazment that we are able to live separately because of that difference of what is individually important. How brilliant a conception. We are all a whole, yet we cannot understand that!

Even more ironic is my own understanding of this, and knowing the very thought of time will bring me back to material reality and what I plan on doing next.

Is it a window or a box?

Your choice.